I've been thinking during this Christmas season, how my wish lists have changed over the years. I think we all want all the things that we are told life will be better with if we just have them. We want all the toys with all the bells and whistles, the beautiful things with bling to wear on our arm and show off to others, and all the devices that will certainly make our life easier and better. But, what if we all decided that we don't really want the tangible things after all? How would our lives be enriched if on Christmas, we made a promise to each other to spend time in service of some kind to one another? A shared meal, a day of rest from responsibility, a chore done, a book read aloud, TIME? Is this just the delusional thinking of an old woman, or would life be happier if we didn't worry about things and spent more time just spending time with one another? That's what is on my list this year. Buy if you feel you must, but know I would rather have your presence that your presents!

I find myself spending much time in retrospection these days. I wonder if that is just a normal habit for us as we age or if I'm just wired differently from others. It's so easy to think, "If I had known then what I know now, I would have done so much differently." What a gigantic waste of valuable time! I know we all made mistakes as we grew up. First, when we were young; later as adults, raising families, spending all our time providing the necessary things we needed for our children's health and welfare, providing for our own eventual aging process, and we spent so much time doing all the many things we had to do and not enough time doing what we see now would have just been so much fun and would have taught our children not to fret quite so much and to truly enjoy each and every day. As a parent, I regret a lot of times I spent angry over what I now know to be trivial things. I truly believe, though, that if you asked them, they would probably not even remember those times and yet I have been beating myself up over them. Like I said before, "What a GIGANTIC waste of time!" As a grandparent, I can spend time now sitting in the mud with my granddaughter, discovering what it feels like to squish slime between our fingers. I wish I had taken the time to teach her mommy what it felt like! Maybe that is just a job for grandmas. I have started reminding myself lately that I don't live in the past. Now is now and it doesn't do me or anyone who has to be around me any good for me to live full of regrets. I don't live in the future either so I am not going to worry about what hasn't happened yet. I choose to live now, in the present. Maybe we should all look at our life in the present as a present; a wonderful present, given to us by God and meant for us to enjoy, like opening a gift on our birthday. I am going to try and then hope the attitude rubs off on all around me.

As I was standing at the mirror, plucking what would but for my diligence be a pretty good uni-brow, I was struck with a profound revelation; "I think I actually like the me I see in this mirror." Wow, what a thought! I have spent 60 plus years not liking me. I've never been good enough. I wasn't as pretty, I didn't have as nice clothes, I had to wear glasses, I had big ears, I didn't live in as nice a house, and the list goes on and on and on. I have avoided befriending people because I thought they were better than me. I didn't try new things because I was sure I would not be good enough to succeed. I have to ask myself what has changed. Am I just so old that I'm past caring? In all honesty, I know that is not the answer. My relationship with God has taught me many amazing things, but the most profound thing is this, I am loved! I am not sub-standard because God does not create junk! God gave me a mind and talents and all I have to do is choose to use them. His gift to me is life and my gift to Him should be what I do with it. I am no better or worse than anyone else; not those elite or those poorest. I choose to give back to God whatever talents and gifts He's given me and to reach outside myself to be all that He longs for me to be. I guess it's never too late to change so look out family and friends and friends I have yet to meet, here I come!

Someone told me today that I should feel proud of myself for something I had done. I started thinking about the act of feeling proud of oneself. My question became, " Should anyone feel proud of themselves?" The conclusion I came up with is this, no. I don't think anyone accomplishes any thing by themselves. I've been married more than 40 years. In today's society that is quite an accomplishment. Should I feel proud? I don't think so. I didn't do this by myself; it took effort on both my part and my husbands. We raised 3 children who work hard and make their own way in the world without the crutches of alcohol or drugs or any other addictions. Should I be proud? Again, this was a collaborative effort. I've been told I have a lovely home. Should I be proud? No, again. I didn't make this home by myself. I've been told I have been gifted in some areas of my life. These things I can do without help from most others but my inspiration comes not from myself but from my Creator. Ultimately, everything any of us ever accomplishes in this life can only be credited to the source of our inspiration. Our Creator gives us our unique gifts. Sure we have the will to use those gifts but we do not do anything without His strength and His gifts to us. Some people would argue this point with me and that is okay. The Truth remains whether we believe it or not. I'm not sure why it has taken me so long to figure this out. I guess the first 60 years of my life, I was too self-absorbed to accept the fact that I really don't do anything without Gods Strength. I sincerely hope it doesn't take my children so long realize the same thing. I hope it doesn't take you too long either. You may think me a Bible toting lunatic and if you do that's okay. My only concern in life now is what God thinks of me, not man!

Okay, so here's what happened. I had been shopping. It was hot. I was thirsty. I pulled in to a local fast food joint drive thru. I ordered a large diet Pepsi. The girl on the intercom told me how much I owed her and I drove forward. I gave her the exact change. She, however, gave me money back. I asked her if I had heard her wrong and she sweetly said, " Oh no. I gave you the senior citizen discount!" I quickly looked in the rear view mirror to see if I had perhaps turned gray while shopping or if I was wearing a shawl or my glasses were on the end of my nose. No, I looked the same to me. I really didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I nicely accepted the change and the drink, and drove home in a funk. Looking back on the whole situation I realize she was doing her job well and meant no harm to my ego but it took a while for me to put it in perspective and know that, yes, I am a senior citizen but I don't intend to let that stop me. Next time, I may even ask for the discount. On second thought ....

I finally said it! Those three little words that forever cement my name on the roster of the Senior Citizens Club. "These kids today". I remember back in the 60's when anti-Viet Nam protests were in full swing. My grandma clicked her tongue and said, "These kids today! They should show more pride and support our country." In the 70's when heavy metal rock music took to the airways in such a big way, my mom clicked her tongue and said, "These kids today wouldn't know good music if it hit them in the face!" Which is what, by the way, she thought rock music did to her. Well, I caught myself talking about "these kids today" myself and catching myself clicking my tongue and thereby sealing my fate. I guess I have to admit here that even for all our technological advances and having so much information available to us at the touch of a computer key, we haven't really changed as a society all that much. Acceptance of change is still something people drag their feet about. Do you think God planned for the human race to be so hard headed? I think I'll ask Him that when I see Him.

Journey Into Senior-citizenship

It was sometime in my 61st year. Standing at my bathroom mirror, doing my usual morning routime, (moisturizer, make-up hair, teeth,) when I realized I was not alone. There, looking at me from my mirror, was an old woman. I stared in disbelief and horror. For years I had been telling my friends "Never say your're old! Once you do, age has won!" But this day there was no denying it. That woman in the mirror was every bit of her 61 years. She was old! She was me! "When did this happen?" I cried. "I've been here the whole time." and yet I let it sneak up on me. It was too early in the morning to break out the tequila so I poured another cup of coffee and sat down to discuss the situation with myself. "We" finally decided that though this was inevitable, how I handle the years to come would determine how my friends and family and the public in general view the old lady wearing my face and using my name. Will I survive growing older? I hope so since there's only one alternative. So I have decided to run head long into old age; embrace it; cherish it; Claim it as my own. I intend to grin and bear it and try to rub that outlook off on others. Wish me luck!